Reflections

I was talking to a friend of mine, a coffee kahki actually. He told me that he is in love with a girl, but there's a barrier or rather a ceilling - he dunno how to make her happy...

I was giving him some advice and told him that no way a girl is gonna be happy or rather its almost impossible for him to make her happy because he himself is unhappy. Because he is always worried that he can't make her happy. Being in a relation means that you are at your very own natural self - being able to fart in bed with the you partner or letting out a loud burp infront of your partner without having being embarassed.

It suddenly dawned on me that the very same senerio happened to me before. My ex-boyfriend told me that he did not know how to make me happy and was feeling miserable. Ofcourse that was not the only issue we have back then, and I just think that it was an excuse on his part. It made me realise that the harder one person tries to make the other person happy in a relationship the more it backfires. Not only it makes the person trying hard miserable, it also makes the other party unhappy.

Being comfortable with each other is one thing, communications is important too. I know many guys who keep things from their partners, not wanting to worry their partners. One of my relationship started out as friends, this guy used to tell me about his worries, his happy moments, in short we share alot of things. Things changed after we started going out. He would bottle things to himself, I have to keep guessing what was on his mind. He would try to make me happy and vice versa. It made the relationship tiring, simply because we were both trying too hard and were not being our comfortable selves.

When the relationship fails, people will tend to ask themselves, why did I put in so much but the relationship still fail? Its sometimes not the other party, it lies in ourselves, we are the ones with the expectations (from ourselves). We expect ourselves to behave/ to in effort in a certain way. When things fail, we found it easier to blame other people for being unappriciative.

It is often ourselves, how we percived how others will think or look at us, most of the time what we have percived and what is really going on are totally different. Not only in relationship with someone we want to build a future with. Also with friends and family. Its just hard to get message accross to other people as we would try to think what the other person reacts to the message we are trying to send and most of the time, we would just rather do without expressing how we really feel, fearing negative reactions from the receiver.

Chatting with this friend of mine not only made him realise that he has to be himself to be able to make his partner happy, but most importantly himself happy. Most importantly, if a person loves you truly he/she would love you for who you are not what you have. This also reassure me that by being myself, I could be a happier person.